A Very Funny Story - What Consultants actually Do !

A farmer was checking his herd on a remote hillside in upper Wensleydale when suddenly a brand-new BMW drew up.

The driver, in a Paul Smith suit, Gucci shoes, Rayban sunglasses and expensive tie, leans out the window and asks Jim, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The farmer looks at the man, obviously a well-to-do city slicker, then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and calmly answers, "Of course, why not?"

The man parks his car, whips out his laptop computer, connects it to his mobile phone and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another satellite which scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The city slicker then opens the digital photo and exports it to an image-processing facility.

Within seconds he receives an e-mail on his phone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a database through a connected spreadsheet with e-mail on his Blackberry and after a few seconds receives a response.

Finally he prints out a full-colour 15-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"Well, I reckon you can take one of my animals," says the farmer. He watches the well-dressed man select one of the young ones and looks on amused as he stuffs it into the boot of his car.

Then the farmer says, "Now then, if I can tell you exactly what your business is will you give me back my calf?"

The man thinks about it for a couple of seconds and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant," says the farmer.

"Wow! That's correct," says the well-dressed man, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answers the farmer. "You show up here even though nobody asked you to; you want to get paid for an answer I already know to a question I never asked; you try to show me how much cleverer than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows: this is a flock of sheep.

Now give me back my dog."

A Heart Touching Story !!!

I received this mail as a forward. Thought of sharing it with you all... :)
Iam sure it will touch you.


At a fund raising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed..

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!

Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball .. the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. Al l were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home ! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team 'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

The Corporate language !!

Another good forward which i thought of sharing with all...

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"


"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"


"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".


"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"


"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"


"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"


"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"


"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"


"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."


"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"


"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"


"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"